Wednesday, April 05, 2006

REAL Housewives of the OC???

Have you had an opportunity to watch Real Housewives of Orange County? I only watched it because it came on right after hairdresser drama Blow Out, which is some truly fine reality TV entertainment. RHOC, on the other hand, is...I don't even know but any show that opens by telling you that 80% of the women in Orange County have breast implants is gonna be compelling in a guilty pleasures, these-people-are-friggin'-wack, Anna Nicole Smith show kind of way.

Basically, all these "housewives" look exactly the same, save for the occasional daring, boat-rocking, live-on-the-edge-by-being-different brunette. Everyone else has that kind of ashy, silvery blonde kind of hair, long, with sideswept bangs, a tan that screams "future fruit leather face", Botox (they actually showed this woman getting a Botox housecall) and these big honeydew melon halves sitting on their bony chests underneath their cami tops. There's not much that's real about any of them. Guess that's what you call irony...

Hubz made a good point not too long ago. We were talking about how everyone and their dog has fake boobage now and he said there are teenage boys growing up right now without ever having even seen real hooters. Leave it to a man to come to that realization. My question is why do they make them to look so unreal? Because in real life, big breasts aren't really bigger around in a perfect circle. They just uh, protrude more. But I'm digressing. The implant thing always gets me going...

What I wanted to note about RHOC is that whenever someone discusses someone else, the first thing they refer to is their appearance. One of the older women (Botox housecall lady) talks about this other woman, the first thing she says is "Yeah, she's skinnier than me with bigger boobs..." And this other "housewife" is talking about some other woman that she met having a "bangin' bod". It was really weird. I don't know about you guys but most of my body fixations are reserved for myself. They sound a little like this:

"Yeah...I got a hell of an ass! Almost two of them! I luuuuurve the way my butt cheeks rest on the backs of my thighs now!"

"Yep, it's official, I now have those lumpy hip bumps above my bangin' jello-like booty! Woot!"

See? (you definitely will if you're going to Blogher) Sitting around talking about YOUR body doesn't interest me in the least. Well, unless you have freakishly large breast implants, which I really loathe, or a spare appendage of some kind. Then I might have to mention you.

One OC housewife said she'll be getting Botox forever so she won't ever look older than 32. Psssst... someone wrote that book already. It's called The Picture of Dorian Gray.

The only normal person on the whole show is this woman's husband. She's all bored being a housewife and claims there's nothing to do (because you know how boring it is...there's never anything that needs to be done, nothing to clean, no laundry to fold, kids to be chauffered around...WHEN YOU HAVE FREAKING HIRED HELP FOR EVERYTHING!!!!) The poor guy is at home feeding the kids dinner, trying to teach his son not to scratch his ass before touching food, getting them ready for bed and his wife is out partying and whining to him on the phone that she can't come home yet because her friends aren't ready to leave. I actually felt sorry for the guy even though he's one of those cheesy trophy-wife guys.

RHOC was oddly interesting to watch once but I think next time, I'll reserve my minimal TV allotment for Daddy's Spoiled Little Girl. I can't help it. I love watching crazy rich people. It's a lot like watching a show about aliens. You can't believe people like this actually exist.


  • I need to watch that show. It sounds hysterical.

    I am sure that the worst problem that any of them has would be breaking a nail :)

    By Anonymous rhonda, at 4/05/2006 12:13:00 PM  

  • Oh cripes. I saw the ad for it. I was too busy watching the reruns of the last episodes of SatC - crying too.

    I've been peeking at 8th and Ocean - but generally, rich people like that just piss me off.

    By Anonymous Kristen, at 4/05/2006 12:19:00 PM  

  • I'm missing out on some quality reality television.

    I'm too busy making balloon like shapes with my belly. It used to be my favorite part of my body and now it's just for party tricks.

    By Blogger something blue, at 4/05/2006 01:33:00 PM  

  • I've never seen the show. I doubt I could last more than 5 minutes. My attention span for that stuff is short. What you wrote however, was very funny.

    Except the part about boobs. That made me sad. BEvbause although I would never get implants after breastfeeding two children, my books are starting to be very lackluster. I can;'t fit into those cute tops with the little triangles for the breasts because I would neeed a freaking holster to get my breasts up into those little triangles. Sigh.

    By Anonymous krista, at 4/05/2006 01:49:00 PM  

  • Wow! Makes me wish we had cable, I like those kind of shows too. And my take on boob jobs? Small boobs are better than fake boobs. Good thing for me since I couldn't afford a boob job anyway, never mind the fact it would be embarrasing to be that shallow.

    By Blogger Marcie, at 4/05/2006 01:58:00 PM  

  • Rhonda -- Or having a

    Kristen -- Love SatC but I've seen every one at least three times. And the ones at the end always make me cry, too. They air locally at 11:30pm so if I'm not busy, sometimes I watch it them. 8th and Ocean? What is it?

    Something Blue -- ROFL I know the feeling. I do the belly roll. It's much more amusing when you have some padding.

    Krista -- I watched while working on my computer. My attention span for any TV show is minimal. And I always have to multitask. It's a sickness... And the boobs make me sad, too. Mine used to be perky. Now they're like little ice cream cones.

    Marcie -- Exactemente! Just being shallow enough to get implants is more embarrassing than the sorry state of my chest.

    By Blogger IzzyMom, at 4/05/2006 02:28:00 PM  

  • I've got to watch it. I'm assuming it is like Laguna Beach for grown-ups (or for me, whatever).

    I am SO with Something Blue. I use my big belly for party tricks all the time :)

    By Blogger Mega Mom, at 4/05/2006 02:32:00 PM  

  • I need to find out when that comes on so that i can watch it and critique it too. I can usually only watch it for so long before I barf. But you know it's sort of a regional thing, because it's definitely not like that up here in Oregon.

    By Blogger Cityslicker Mom, at 4/05/2006 02:45:00 PM  

  • I actually caught about 15 minutes of that show. The title intrigued me, so I was interested that a show was on about REAL housewives! Great! I was so disgusted by what I witnessed, I knew I watched 15 minutes too about a waste of my time.REAL? There was nothing real about any of them.

    By Blogger Pattie, at 4/05/2006 03:22:00 PM  

  • I've seen the show a few times and it really does amuse me. I use to live in the heart of the O.C. (Newport Beach) and quite honestly it's the place where superficial sorority women and frat guys settle down. And then get divorced so the dads can move on to younger boobs and the moms barhop with their teenage daughters (and looks ridiculous at it)...

    Don't believe me? Visit Fashion Island (Newport Beach), South Coast Plaza (Costa Mesa), or any Sushi Bar (Balboa). Just like Reality TV - but Live!

    By Blogger creative-Type Dad (Tony), at 4/05/2006 04:17:00 PM  

  • Mega Mom -- I've never seen Laguna Beach but ROHC is really over the top! Watch it if you can stand it for more than 5 minutes!

    Cityslicker Mom -- Knowing what I do about your city, you are in a far more enlightened place. Count your blessings! I've asked Hubz numerous times if we could move there but he hasn't caved yet.

    Domesticator -- yeah, I watched it while working on my computer. I don't think I could have stood thirty whole minutes of it with no distraction

    Big Tony -- I love when they guys weigh in. Thank you for validating my impressions! As for seeing it for myself, no thanks. I'll just take your word for it :)

    By Blogger IzzyMom, at 4/05/2006 05:07:00 PM  

  • Sounds like interesting TV. I've never known anyone with implants, but I have three friends and a niece who have all had reductions in the last couple years - none live in or near LA, mostly in the midwest. That is the ony boob job I would have, once I decide I'm done having babies and nursing.

    By Blogger Mrs. Davis, at 4/05/2006 05:18:00 PM  

  • I bumped up against someone in my cocktail waitress job who had implants. I knew it immediately because her boobs were the rock hardest things I have ever felt. It was really off putting and just gross.

    I haven't caught this show yet, but as I've stated in the past, I'll watch any schlock Bravo throws up there. I'm a total sucker. :-)

    By Blogger MrsFortune, at 4/05/2006 08:45:00 PM  

  • I need to tape this, what chanel is it on? A couple of moms in my play group are talking about getting their boobs done. As far as I'm concerned, if they still can look o.k. in the right bra or swim suit, I'm happy. As long as they can still get naked, my husband is happy too. Why mess with a system that works?

    By Blogger hipstermom, at 4/05/2006 11:39:00 PM  

  • Ok I live in SOuthern California and I can tell you that there are more fake breats here than I have ever wanted to see, however Not Every woman looks that way. There are a lot of "real" women. The majority are natural and normal.

    By Anonymous chelle, at 4/06/2006 03:55:00 PM  

  • Thank the LAWD I do not have Real Cable. It's bad enough when I get all the networks, Discovery and the WB.

    Of course, I'm certain that reading *your* takes on the show are far better time spent, anyway.

    By Blogger stefanierj, at 4/06/2006 08:48:00 PM  

  • I just can't watch shows like this. I just get angry and frustrated about the emphasis on the materialism (money, looks, etc.) My husband loves shows like Laguna Beach -- I think he's all about the hot chicks.

    LOL at your body fixation comments. I can totally see myself in the OC telling some other mom, "Yeah, she's the one whose thighs are about half the size of mine..."

    By Anonymous Nancy, at 4/07/2006 09:30:00 AM  

  • Since I am from CA, but live in Colorado, I have had several people ask me about that show. I had to say that the saddest thing (besides being asked about the show 3 freaking times) was that I had to say it was absolutely true to life. You would like to think that it is one of those reality shows that are contrived for better ratings. It is not. I am familiar with Coto De Caza. I had plenty of contact with the spoiled rich kids during my high school experience, and plenty of experience with the moms later in life. It is an actual picture of the lifestyle. Sad but true.
    Big Tony is right...check out Fashion Island and cringe watching it live. Ick.

    By Blogger Mama! Mama! (Mel), at 4/07/2006 04:43:00 PM  

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