REAL Housewives of the OC???

Have you had an opportunity to watch Real Housewives of Orange County? I only watched it because it came on right after hairdresser drama Blow Out, which is some truly fine reality TV entertainment. RHOC, on the other hand, is...I don't even know but any show that opens by telling you that 80% of the women in Orange County have breast implants is gonna be compelling in a guilty pleasures, these-people-are-friggin'-wack, Anna Nicole Smith show kind of way.

Basically, all these "housewives" look exactly the same, save for the occasional daring, boat-rocking, live-on-the-edge-by-being-different brunette. Everyone else has that kind of ashy, silvery blonde kind of hair, long, with sideswept bangs, a tan that screams "future fruit leather face", Botox (they actually showed this woman getting a Botox housecall) and these big honeydew melon halves sitting on their bony chests underneath their cami tops. There's not much that's real about any of them. Guess that's what you call irony...

Hubz made a good point not too long ago. We were talking about how everyone and their dog has fake boobage now and he said there are teenage boys growing up right now without ever having even seen real hooters. Leave it to a man to come to that realization. My question is why do they make them to look so unreal? Because in real life, big breasts aren't really bigger around in a perfect circle. They just uh, protrude more. But I'm digressing. The implant thing always gets me going...

What I wanted to note about RHOC is that whenever someone discusses someone else, the first thing they refer to is their appearance. One of the older women (Botox housecall lady) talks about this other woman, the first thing she says is "Yeah, she's skinnier than me with bigger boobs..." And this other "housewife" is talking about some other woman that she met having a "bangin' bod". It was really weird. I don't know about you guys but most of my body fixations are reserved for myself. They sound a little like this:

"Yeah...I got a hell of an ass! Almost two of them! I luuuuurve the way my butt cheeks rest on the backs of my thighs now!"

"Yep, it's official, I now have those lumpy hip bumps above my bangin' jello-like booty! Woot!"

See? (you definitely will if you're going to Blogher) Sitting around talking about YOUR body doesn't interest me in the least. Well, unless you have freakishly large breast implants, which I really loathe, or a spare appendage of some kind. Then I might have to mention you.

One OC housewife said she'll be getting Botox forever so she won't ever look older than 32. Psssst... someone wrote that book already. It's called The Picture of Dorian Gray.

The only normal person on the whole show is this woman's husband. She's all bored being a housewife and claims there's nothing to do (because you know how boring it is...there's never anything that needs to be done, nothing to clean, no laundry to fold, kids to be chauffered around...WHEN YOU HAVE FREAKING HIRED HELP FOR EVERYTHING!!!!) The poor guy is at home feeding the kids dinner, trying to teach his son not to scratch his ass before touching food, getting them ready for bed and his wife is out partying and whining to him on the phone that she can't come home yet because her friends aren't ready to leave. I actually felt sorry for the guy even though he's one of those cheesy trophy-wife guys.

RHOC was oddly interesting to watch once but I think next time, I'll reserve my minimal TV allotment for Daddy's Spoiled Little Girl. I can't help it. I love watching crazy rich people. It's a lot like watching a show about aliens. You can't believe people like this actually exist.