Friday, March 31, 2006

What's with All the Hate?

It's been an interesting few weeks in the blogosphere and while I enjoy a good controversy just as much as the next gal (did I just refer to myself as a gal???) I gotta ask...what's with all the hate? Mommy bloggers vs. parent bloggers/other bloggers, working moms vs. at-home moms, breastfeeding moms vs. bottlefeeding moms, moms-with-housekeepers vs. moms-who-don't have-help and of course, women vs. the universe (or the university, if you're my daughter) in the "false advertising" controversy. I'm not even going to dignify these arguments and/or insults to womanhood and motherhood with a link unless it's to something terribly positive and uniting.

Since this is my blog, however, I would like to say that I have always called myself a "mommy blogger" in a manner meant to flip off people that feel the need to put down those they believe to be in the category. In all honesty, while I am a mom and I have a blog, I don't think I fit the stereotypical definition of a "mommy blogger" but I SO dislike that people want to both separate and denigrate moms in one fell swoop that I WILL call myself a "mommy blogger" as an act of defiance. A big FUCK YOU, if you will, to anyone who wants to put a sister down for writing about her children or blogging in a way that they think is uncool or a waste of bandwidth. Why does anyone care how another person chooses to use their blog anyway? It's not like actual real estate where the resources are finite. There's enough for everyone. Live and let live.

Now if anyone has any more POSITIVE posts on any of the aforementioned topics, please let me know about them (because I don't always remember all the good stuff I've come across) so I can "waste" some internet bandwidth on the sharing the love!

And of course, dissenting opinions are okay because I respect your right to disagree. But please BE KIND.

I have to give a shout out to Chag from Cynical Dad because he likes Blow Out (and his blog is cool, too).

Also be sure to check out my new renter, Anne Marie, of A Mama's Rant. She's cool. She rocks. She writes about good stuff. Check it!


  • Hey girl, thanks for the link love.

    I am not offended by the term "mommy blogger" -- and don't mind being categorized that way -- I just want to take back any negative connotations that it might have. Like mommy bloggers have less of interest to say than anyone else, NOT.

    In fact, you may have changed my stance on using this label for myself. I like the idea of using the term to flip off people -- let's show them that we're proud of being moms and bloggers and that we would defy whatever stereotypes they choose to throw at us. Whoever they is, gah!

    I've been eyeing your "mommy blogger" tank tops anyway. ;-)

    also, did you know you have like 4 identical posts on this topic?

    By Anonymous Nancy, at 3/31/2006 02:50:00 PM  

  • Amen.

    I use the term "housewife" in my blog in much the same way you call yourself a mommy blogger. Your post is inspiring me to maybe rename my blog "The Diary of an Enthusiastic Housewife AND Mommy Blogger" and fuck anybody that has a problem with that.


    By Anonymous reluctant housewife, at 3/31/2006 02:54:00 PM  

  • lol I wondered when someone was going to talk about the hate...very well said!

    (ps it looks better now!)

    By Anonymous chelle, at 3/31/2006 02:56:00 PM  

  • Maybe I'm not visiting enough blogs by women, but I haven't seen the "hate." Can you enlighten me on the controversy and/or why do we always try to categorized people and then generalize them. I face this on a daily basis with my blog because people expect me to fit into a certain category and I just don't and won't. It's your blog and do what you want and like. Stay true to yourself and you can't worry about all the "haters."

    By Anonymous Ed Bacchus, at 3/31/2006 03:02:00 PM  

  • My tagline used to have "my family" listed last, but I moved it to first place because that is ultimately what I blog about. And I couldn't give a rat's ass what anyone else thinks about that!

    Personally, I'm tired of the "I gained weight after I got married and now my husband thinks I'm unattractive" posts. Not because it isn't a worthy topic, but because it inevitably brings out the worst in people ("if you loved your husband you would lose weight for him").I think there should be an understanding of being polite and using good manners in blog comments. Maybe that's just me.

    By Blogger Elizabeth, at 3/31/2006 03:25:00 PM  

  • I guess I'm the opposite of Elizabeth - I thought I'd blog about my baby all day all night and yet, I find I have other things to say about totally unrelated topics that have nothing to do with anything but what's on my mind. So I'm a mom who blogs as opposed to a mom/mama/mommyblogger.

    Is there a term for this? ADDblogger maybe?

    By Blogger Mom101, at 3/31/2006 03:30:00 PM  

  • Nancy -- I totally agree. It's time to take the term and change it's connotations. And I loved your post on RESPECT.

    RH -- I always got that vibe from you!

    Chelle -- me, too! Thanks :-)

    Ed -- You're right. No worrying over haters. As for the actual "hate", it's everywhere. Check out CityMama's posts from earlier this week or late last week. She refers to the impetus of the whole getting fat/false advertising debate which seems to have exploded all over the place.

    Elizabeth -- I agree. The whole false advertising topic has brought out some serious trolls and people with no freaking manners. I just get sick of people being beaten up over this stuff. And I happen to love reading about you and your family.

    MOM-101 -- Screw the labels! Whatever you are, you're really good at it. 'nuff said.

    By Blogger IzzyMom, at 3/31/2006 03:43:00 PM  

  • I totally agree. I posted about the mommy blogger hate, and how I think it's ridiculous when we should really be worrying about far more important things. I'm a mommy blogger and I don't give a damn what anyone else thinks about it.

    I think the blogosphere was having a collective case of PMS last week.

    By Blogger Christina, at 3/31/2006 04:14:00 PM  

  • people must be real unsure of who they are if they feel the need to put others down. seriously folks. when did this hierarchy occur, and for what reason? i started my blog for all my friends and family around the country to keep up with what's going on in our world. not because i felt the need to become part of a group. and definately not because i wanted to make myself feel better than others. get real people. the ones out there starting the shit are the pittiful ones, not the mommy's! i have run across some great people, reading blogs. and it makes me a little more comfortable knowing that they are out there. nuff said!

    By Blogger cameo, at 3/31/2006 04:28:00 PM  

  • Nice post. And I like the post you linked to in the first paragraph. I have been blogging awhile now. When I had a huge blogroll before I did categorize some of them as mommy blogs, just to separate them from the tech blogs though. Now I have just lumped everyone together under blogroll. :)

    It wasn't until a few days ago that I started reading about the terms reguarding mommy bloggers. I am nothing but grateful and appreciative to have found other mother's out there who love their kids and are willing to share of themselves and their daily life in the form of their blogs. I honestly had no idea their were so many bloggers who were moms until January. So I guess this makes me a fan of Mommy Bloggers!!

    I don't think I have ever been labelled a Mommy Blogger or anything. But I do love my son and occasionally post pictures which I like to show off. So maybe I qualify lol.

    And if people don't like my blog that is fine. I blog because I find it to be a good creative outlet, its a good stress reliever, and my family gets to keep up to date with me and what I am interested in. For the most part I don't deal with or respond to negative comments that are offensive. I just delete them.I keep comments from people who disagree with me though because I am not that narrow minded lol.

    By Anonymous Dawn, at 3/31/2006 04:57:00 PM  

  • I love the Mommy Blogger T-shirt that I bought from you Izzy- It is Verrrrry comfy. Maybe I'll send you a pic of my promotional mommy rack for your store.

    By Blogger Dawn, at 3/31/2006 05:45:00 PM  

  • I have to admit, I have said negative things about the label "Mommy Blogger", if only because of the image it portrays. (What I actually said was I hated the term "Mommy Blogger".) I don't hate being a Mommy, I don't hate being refered to as Mommy (by anyone), I'm proud to be a Mommy, Mom, or Mama. What I don't like is other people's perception of what a Mommy Blog should be. I'm glad that I've found such wonderful women writers out here in the blogosphere (who just happen to be Mommies) who shatter that image daily.

    By Blogger Mrs. Chicky, at 3/31/2006 06:16:00 PM  

  • Oh, yeah. It's one thing to disagree with someone, add your opinion or experience, and otherwise share - that's what the blogging community is about, as far as I can see. But it is quite another to go on the attack. I posted about the mommy wars thing myself a while back (Out in the Chilling Fields)and commented on MIM's infamous post a time or two because I wanted to share, but also because I wanted to add a note of sanity to all those crazies trying to drag us with them!

    I also loved the post you linked to. I am a big believer that respect makes a lot of heinous behavious impossible. How can you hate, put down, abuse, cheat, or look down on someone who you see as worthwhile?

    By Blogger kittenpie, at 3/31/2006 06:20:00 PM  

  • I think it was Muriel Rukeyser who said "If one woman were to tell the truth about her life, the world would split open." Or maybe Betty Friedan. But anyway, this is the tradition in which I see Mommy Bloggers or whatever you want to call them. You could say Powerful Women Warrior Bloggers Who Have Chosen to Have Offspring, but Mommy Bloggers has the benefit of being shorter at least.

    I find it kind of weird how many mommy bloggers I read, having chosen not to have kids myself. But I want to read good writing by women, and the fact is that most women become mothers at some time or another.

    Personally, I am going to start calling myself a Doggy Blogger.

    By Blogger SUEB0B, at 3/31/2006 09:25:00 PM  

  • I think separate but equal is my new approach. I don't think I'm any "better" in terms of status than the "theformerlycalled" mommy blogs. They are different than me -and if people don't like them and won't give me a chance, then it's their loss.

    By Anonymous Kristen, at 3/31/2006 09:41:00 PM  

  • Why do I always miss everything!!! Waaahhh ... I guess I don't pay attention? Controversy? I mean I know people talk about it but I guess I just don't get the whole thing.

    By Blogger MrsFortune, at 3/31/2006 10:00:00 PM  

  • Yeah, I don't get it either. Maybe they just have too much time on their hands?? jeezy.

    By Blogger Cityslicker Mom, at 3/31/2006 10:39:00 PM  

  • Christina-- I linked to your post. I love that line about women being fierce true.

    Cameo -- I feel the same way.

    DawnIsaac -- I agree. If people don't like it then don't read. But the labeling and putting down still bothers me.

    Dawn -- Glad you like your shirt and yeah, send over your stuff!

    Mrs. Chicky -- I know what you mean. The mommy bloggers are cool but the derisive nature of the label sucks. And I'm glad to have found friends who do that, too. Like you!

    Kittenpie -- you speak for me, too!

    Kristen -- Well said! We don't have to all be the same.

    Mrs Fortune -- I think it's a good thing that you've missed some of this. Shows me that you're not a skilled time-waster like I am.

    Sue -- Excellent comment! very insightful. And I love "doggy blogger"

    CityslickerMom -- I know, right?

    By Blogger IzzyMom, at 3/31/2006 11:54:00 PM  

  • "Why does anyone care how another person chooses to use their blog anyway? It's not like actual real estate where the resources are finite. There's enough for everyone."
    Enough said.

    But I will also say fuck off to anyone who has a problem with it!

    By Blogger kfk, at 4/01/2006 12:09:00 AM  

  • The post you linked too was perfect.

    This "war" and all the hate is so unnecessary. Labels schmables. Call yourself what you want!

    This false mommy heirarchy exists only in the heads of some insecure people who feel better about themselves by making semantic distinctions and trying to take credibility away from others.

    Great post!

    By Blogger sunshine scribe, at 4/01/2006 01:53:00 AM  

  • I stopped blogging for awhile and came back in the past few months. I see what your talking about now in blogging but yet I don't remmeber it being like this before, a year back. Seems like alot of the circles of friends have poofed.

    I am a mom and I blog. My kids are my life soo I tend to write about them alot but not all the time. Its common sense. Are we suppose to pretend to be some thing we are not? I don't like lables and I don't want any one telling me what kind of blog I have other then, "jaws's blog." sure it will happen but I don't get all the blog hate either.

    I don't just read mom blogs either. I read all kinds. Its like we all get sealed into a group and generalized. I am a mom but I am not dead either. I do think! Yeah really I do. No really..

    By Blogger A Bottle Of Red, at 4/01/2006 08:22:00 AM  

  • I really don't think just because you refer to your blog as a mommy blog means that you are writing endlessly about your daily routine with your children. Like I said over in my own space:

    "It takes only a couple minutes of reading a newly discovered blog to see if that person’s writing style is something that you want to return to. Personally, I have to stop surfing because there are too many incredible women writing blogs that I’ve become addicted to."

    Labels suck. Prejudice sucks. I'm all for peace.

    By Blogger something blue, at 4/01/2006 03:32:00 PM  

  • Thanks for the mention. And I'm with something blue: labels suck.

    By Blogger Chag, at 4/01/2006 10:35:00 PM  

  • I don't understand the hate. You'd think that all having a common link (being moms) we would be almost unified and embrace our differences.

    By Blogger Undercover Angel, at 4/02/2006 11:33:00 AM  

  • I think I'm with Chag and something blue: labels suck. I also think the hating sucks, and the ad naseum arguments suck, and trying to make it all into some kind of rehashed feminist ideology really sucks (regardless which "side" you're on). What I love? Finding other people with cool writing and ideas. Period.

    By Anonymous the weirdgirl, at 4/02/2006 08:15:00 PM  

  • Thanks for the link love. As usual, I am late to the party, and everyone's said it better than me. Long live the respectful mommies, their blogs, and everyone who wants to peace out about this whole thing!!

    By Blogger stefanierj, at 4/03/2006 07:31:00 PM  

  • Blow Out? Blow Out? I love that show! You're good people.

    By Blogger Rude Cactus, at 4/04/2006 04:11:00 PM  

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