Tuesday, March 07, 2006

The Tip

The other day, in the morning, I was watching the Tyra Banks show (which merits a post all it's own) and she had that Sex Talk lady from Oxygen on as a guest. What's her name? Sue something, I think. She's the woman that always has a bunch brightly colored vibrators and dildos sitting on her desk like decorations (which always reminds me of when Tootie and Natalie from Facts of Life bought bongs and put jellybeans in them) Sorry, my ADD...

Anyway, she was talking about sex, as usual, but she said something that really struck a chord with me; something about how men should make a point of telling their women how beautiful (sexy, attractive, hot, insert-the-compliment of your choice here) they are in order to help women relax more and not be so body-conscious etc. thus making sex a more enjoyable experience and one likely to occur more often. Amen, sister! You know that of which you speak!

You'd think this would be common sense. You'd think that this would be the one surefire tip that's been passed from guy to guy since the dawn of time or at least since the dawn of supermodels and Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issues. But somehow I don't think that's the case.

Hello? Guys? Do you want to shag or not? Oh, you do? Then you better get with it and start telling your lady that she's smokin' hot and make it believable.

Yes, believable is what I said. And I say it because while I really want to rekindle the days when Hubz actually did say things like that to me and we had sex all the time, I feel like if I have to ask him or remind him, then when he DOES do it, I'll be thinking "Yeah...you're just saying that because I told you to" and then I'll just get irritated and not be in the mood and he'll be like "Whoa... complimenting her was a bad idea. I'll never do that again" and we'll never have sex anymore for real.

I can't speak for anyone else but while I don't look exactly like I used to, I still feel like I look pretty damn good for having two kids and being a few years shy of forty. Yes, I need to lose that bit of baby weight but I'm tall and it's spread out fairly well. Let's just say I'm not repulsive and I'm reasonably sexy when I make the effort, okay? It shouldn't be that hard to compliment me. He does say I look nice every now and then and he does give me the obligatory "No, you're not fat, you look great for someone who just had a baby" but that's NOT what I'm talking about here. I need to know that I'm the one he's HOT for. Is that so unreasonable? Ladies? Guys?

Part of me hopes he reads this post even though he's not allowed to read my blog and gets a clue without having to get it directly from me. Or maybe one of you guys can tell him about "The Tip" --> "Compliment your woman and make her feel hot and if there's not an 8 month old sleeping 3 feet away she'll definitely have sex with you."


  • You are so absolutely right. Compliments, wine, and men doing housework are the best aphrodisiacs on the planet. :)

    By Blogger Jess Riley, at 3/07/2006 12:32:00 AM  

  • ok Jess took the words right out of my mouth (fingers?)!
    Hubby knows if he wants nooky the dishes should be done and darn it he better tel me I am hot even if I have yogart on my shirt and I have yet to shower.

    By Anonymous chelle, at 3/07/2006 12:59:00 AM  

  • I feel the same way as chelle! All chores need to be done and he'd better not ask for some thigh highs with heels or something if he wants any :)

    By Anonymous rhonda, at 3/07/2006 06:52:00 AM  

  • Dude - you nailed it (too bad it wasn't him nailing you heh). But seriously, romance does not need to be roses and foreplay - how about just a desire to want to have sex? Doesn't even need to be the "Hey sexy, you're looking good (although that would make me shizzle my nizzle right on contact) - How about just reaching over to say HELLO instead of the whole lecture I get:

    Are you horny honey? (YES, ALWAYS)
    Do you want to have sex? (Yes, always)
    Well, take off your clothes (oh boy you crazy animal...)

    By Anonymous Kristen, at 3/07/2006 07:40:00 AM  

  • See, they should put that lady on during football season, like in the pre-game or something. Or at half time of basketball or something, no? Then the people who NEED to see it actually would.

    By Blogger MrsFortune, at 3/07/2006 07:49:00 AM  

  • I like when we dress up to go out because it's the one time he says (ie remembers to say) "you look nice."

    and I think you look fantastic! And I should know. I have seen a 3/4" tall blurred photo of you on the internet.

    By Blogger Mom101, at 3/07/2006 08:31:00 AM  

  • See, I always am skeptical when my husband compliments me, because it seems like he'll grope me right afterward. I like to be intellectually and emotionally engaged first -- like, to get into bed and talk for a half hour or so before he starts with the groping. And helping with the chores definitely, absolutely tilts the scales in his favor.

    By Anonymous Nancy, at 3/07/2006 09:29:00 AM  

  • Izzy - I think I love you. Could that have been put more succinctly? I think not.

    By Blogger Heather, at 3/07/2006 10:48:00 AM  

  • Found you from the CHBM MOTW. Congrats!

    Great post, and ITA! I swear men are clueless. I wish my H would just understand just seeing him in all his naked glory isn't always enough to make me wanna jump in the saddle(though we all know the sight of a naked woman does do it for most men)...

    I ussually end up fishing for compliments(IE-sliding into sexy underpants and striking an oh-so-sexy pose -"Honey, how does my new hair style look?")...and even then I end up with rather stupid praise( "You look nice. I like the weird stripes the guy put in your hair")
    Ooo, baby. I love it when you talk about my weird stripes.

    By Blogger Emily, at 3/07/2006 10:53:00 AM  

  • The kicker is, they DO know about how complimenting will get them into our panties.... because that's exactly how they did it the first time. Do you remember the flattery that you used to get way back when... when he wanted to get some? Exactly. He knows. He just needs to be reminded. I recently did a little reminding to my hubz and I flat out told him that if he did chores it would make me want to have sex. He looked at me like I was BIZARRE but Now the bed is made every day and he has been doing Laundry AND dishes AND helping with supper. And it's working.

    By Blogger dazed, at 3/07/2006 11:11:00 AM  

  • Since I am the first man to contribute I will try not to spoil it for any of us. I am the first to admit that I should do more of this complimenting thing, but please let's remember that it goes both ways ladies. We all know that most of us are simple-minded and stupid. So it takes us longer to get some of the clues you leave behind. But one surefire way to get our attention is to stroke our egos.....You did it when we were dating and we didn't even realize it.

    If he completes a task on the "Mommy-do" list, tell him how great it is to have a man that is so handy around.

    Tell him you like the way he looks in those jeans, and ask him to walk by you again.

    Ask him to open a pickle jar for you (obviously you can open it yourself), and tell him, "wow, your strong...."

    Leave him a note in his lunchbox, briefcase or golf bag telling him that he is a wonderful father.

    Instant message him and tell him you just had a dream about him.

    I am just scratching the surface here. We all know that it takes two to tangle but if you stroke that ego the right way, your dance card will be full......

    So, I will lay down the gauntlet and promise to give my wife (Mommy Bacchus) a sexy compliment this evening and report back the response (sorry ladies, don't expect details). But someone else must promise to do the same...it's not hard ladies, you used to do it. Just go back to the "Dating Game."

    By Anonymous Ed Bacchus, at 3/07/2006 02:39:00 PM  

  • I agree. Compliments are the grease that keep the marital sex machine rolling.

    By Anonymous reluctant housewife, at 3/07/2006 02:47:00 PM  

  • Preach it, Sister! Wow, did I just say that? You may shoot me now. But I agree. Especially the paragraph about telling him and then feeling like he is just saying it because you told him to. Ex.Act.Ly.

    By Blogger Mama! Mama! (Mel), at 3/07/2006 03:00:00 PM  

  • Thanks for all the input. I agree with all of you. Luckily, my guy is very helpful around the house. Maybe I'm spoiled because it doesn't get me hot at all. I just expect that he should help some...lol

    Rhonda: I will do lingerie & heels but only if it's my idea...lol

    Kristen: Is that 20 questions foreplay? No wonder you're irritated.

    Gotta go to gymnastics. More later.

    By Blogger IzzyMom, at 3/07/2006 03:03:00 PM  

  • For me, the husband doing housework will always get me in the mood.

    Compliments work sometimes, but unfortunatly they're often followed by me being groped. I guess I don't find it sexy when he walks by, reaches up my shirt to feel me up and then keeps on walking.

    Of course, I don't help myself in the compliments dept., since I generally tell him, "You're only saying that because you're married to me."

    By Blogger Christina, at 3/07/2006 04:20:00 PM  

  • Mrs. Fortune: I think you're on to something. She could dispense helpful info during halftime instead of making us suffer through the geriatric musical stylings of Aerosmith or the Rolling Stones.

    Mom101: Thanks. You're sweet :-)

    Emily: Welcome! And lol @ seeing your hub in "all his naked glory"

    Ed: Thank you for that great post giving us a man's perspective. You put a lot of thought into it. I will agree that the door swings both ways but as a woman, I can only address what I know and feel, which is this: Don't expect me to be all hot and horny just because you've announced you want sex. Tell me I'm hot and maybe you'll MAKE me hot...lol

    I do think you have a point about men needing some ego fluffing, too, but at the risk of starting a huge debate on society, we do have a lot more pressure on us to look good, perfect even. The media is so brutal. That said, I will be sure to follow your advice. Looking forward to your report, too!

    Heather: Why, thank you. Professions of love are always appreciated :-)

    Christina: What? You don't like being groped like you guys are in high school? lol

    By Blogger IzzyMom, at 3/07/2006 05:47:00 PM  

  • I know the feeling. I do not get enough compliments from my boy. And he doesn't understand why that's a problem.

    But, hey, I can't wait to read your Tyra show post, because I've never watched it and I am intrigued!

    By Blogger DeAnn, at 3/07/2006 06:54:00 PM  

  • Ok, can I also say "FOREPLAY" is essential?

    Warm me up a little - a back rub? An Ear nibble? Throw me a bone!

    And not that bone, I'm already all set with that.

    By Blogger Dawn, at 3/07/2006 08:35:00 PM  

  • This whole string of comments is so funny...I used to work at a place where two of the guys had to clean one of the machines weekly, wearing green elbow-length gloves. It made me so embarassingly hot to see men cleaning. I would get all blushy.

    If any men are listening, get the clue. Scrub the bathtub and when your partner comes in to thank you, tell her how hot she looks...guaranteed nooky.

    By Blogger SUEB0B, at 3/08/2006 12:15:00 AM  

  • Here is my update ladies: tonight I told Mommy Bacchus how much I love her laughter, especially when she is playing with our son. I used to tell her this all the time while dateing and hadn't mentioned this to her in years. It was a wonderful reminder of why I am still in love with her......my intent was not to get "nooky" tonight, but to let her know that her laughter is just one in a million reasons why she makes my heart go pitta patta pat pat...:) I hope others have stories to share (keep it clean I blush easily).

    By Anonymous Ed Bacchus, at 3/08/2006 01:40:00 AM  

  • That is so so true. On the flip side of this post, I just realized my husband -does- do these things and I take it for granted. But he does get what he wants, so I guess he's figured out the secret! ;)

    By Blogger Suburban Turmoil, at 3/08/2006 09:05:00 AM  

  • I posted another update on my blog. Thanks ladies....

    By Anonymous Ed Bacchus, at 3/15/2006 07:32:00 PM  

  • Hell yeah!
    And mine doesn't know I blog, so to date he hasn't tripped across it... Just call me *sneakypie*

    By Blogger kittenpie, at 3/20/2006 01:38:00 PM  

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