Sunday, December 11, 2005

"Uh...Mommy?"

No good can come from a statement that begins with "Uh...Mommy?" But alas, I heard it bright and early this morning.

It was followed by "There's big log of kitty-cat throw-up on the patio floor"

To which I replied "lolololololololololololololololololol" That's me laughing really hard.

I don't know why I laughed so hard but it was hysterically funny. To be honest, finding a log of kitty-cat yack isn't all that unusual around here in this palace o' bodily fluids and other icky things but later we found an even more mysterious treat left by the kitty — a piece of fried chicken. Yes, a piece of fried chicken sat under one of the chairs on the patio. I had seen it but without my contacts in, I thought it was some other random piece of whatnot. I've yet to figure out why it was uneaten or where exactly it came from as we never eat fried chicken. My husband said it resembled KFC (which I refuse to buy after seeing that sick footage of a KFC supplier totally abusing a chicken)

This is just one of the weird things found in the outer regions of my domicile. Once I got into a dispute with this big, weird, gay black guy who, during a design consultation, tried to talk me into doing internet porn from home with a little camera so he would get the referral fee (um...ewww) and then later tried to scam some free design work out of me. Anyway, after I told this guy, unaffectionately known as Crazy Carlton, to fuck off, he hexed me, cursed me and wrote me bizarre threatening emails. I was a little scared but my husband insisted I had nothing to fear; that Crazy Carlton was all talk. But then weird things started showing up in my front yard like a dog's jawbone, a bunch of chicken bones, and then corn cobs. Was it voodoo? Black magic? I had no idea but it was really creepy. And then it all just stopped after I told the guy who introduced me to CC about it and he sent some guys bigger and scarier than CC to have a "little chat" with him. I asked my friend what went down and he said "Don't ask". It was just like a movie!

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