Waxing Sentimental

On any given day, it wouldn't be unusual, if you could read my mind, to hear me asking myself "What have I done???" This would be a reference to my children and the fact that we decided to have another one when the first one was 4 and becoming very independent. Now I'm up to my ears in more laundry, diapers, baby food, bottles and nursing pads that seem to end up all over the house. As if that weren't enough to handle, my son is teethng and cranky and lately, seems to never sleep. I complain about this all over my blog. It's not exactly news but for some reason bitching about it makes me feel better.

My daughter, who has become quite an amazing little girl, is a handful in other ways. For one thing, she's like Pigpen. A mess seems to follow wherever she's been. I used to be able to help her pick up but now I always have a baby in my arms. Nagging her to do it herself is exhausting in it's own right. The end result is that my once mostly tidy house has become a torrent of toys, baby items and my own clutter that I don't seem to be able to find a place for anymore or the time to even try (well, maybe if I wasn't BLOGGING...)

My daughter also talks a lot. This is not at all uncommon for the age. Every mother of a five yr old will tell you the same thing but for me, it's like sensory overload sometimes. The baby is fussing or crying or saying his new favorite word, dadadadadada, which may or may not be his version of "Daddy", my daughter is happily chattering, singing or humming endlessly and usually some toy or other thing is making noise or music. Is it any mystery why I sound like such a crab sometimes?

Before you write me off as just another miserable SAHM, I do, thankfully, have other thoughts; pleasant ones even...

For example, I'm frequently thinking how much I love these two beings. No matter how stressful motherhood is or how tired I am or how much I long for peace and sleep and a clean house, my love for them prevails and trumps everything else. They are so beautiful and so perfect in every imaginable way. I swear to God they emanate light. Every smile, every moment of shared silliness and every hug reinforces my belief that I have, in fact, made the right choices in life.

If you could see how much my children love each other...it would make you tear up. My daughter is so protective of, so kind to and so patient with her baby brother. He gazes at her and follows her every move. He grins with absolute glee when she walks into the room. I never dreamed that I would witness this much love between them. I honestly thought she would be terribly jealous of him but she's not. She seems to intuitively understand that he needs more of my attention and that my love for her is not diminished in the least by my love for him. See? I told you she was amazing. My son, equally enchanting, is now clapping his hands and waving bye-bye. I'm certain I've never seen anything more endearing and precious. Everyday I fall in love with him all over again.

These children have brought me closer to pure love and joy than anything else in my entire life. I know I am blessed every time I look at them. These are the thoughts I'm having when I'm not having that other one and prove that I am not a total bitch.

I know this is much sappier than my usual fare and I thank you for your patience. We now return you to your regular programming.