Sunday, February 19, 2006

The Next Survivor Series

{Received via email; author unknown. My comments are in orange}

Six married men will be dropped on an island with one car and 3 kids each for six weeks.

Each kid will play two sports and either take music or dance classes.

There is no fast food.

Each man must take care of his 3 kids; keep his assigned house clean, correct all homework, complete science projects, cook, do laundry, and pay a list of "pretend" bills with not enough money. Hubz? Are you kidding?

In addition, each man will have to budget in money for groceries each week.

Each man must remember the birthdays of all their friends and relatives, and send cards out on time. Hubz would lose this round for sure.

Each man must also take each child to a doctor's appointment, a dentist appointment and a haircut appointment He must make one unscheduled and inconvenient visit per child to the Urgent Care (weekend, evening, on a holiday or right when they're about to leave for vacation). He must also make cookies or cupcakes for a social function. And this one.

Each man will be responsible for decorating his own assigned house, planting flowers outside and keeping it presentable at all times. Not without me there to bug him.

The men will only have access to television when the kids are asleep and all chores are done. Just don't take away his computer.

There is only one TV between them, and a remote with dead batteries.

Each father will be required to know all of the words to every stupid song that comes on TV and the name of each and every character on cartoons. Hubz might actually win this round

The men must shave their legs, wear makeup daily, which they will apply to themselves either while driving or making three lunches. I'd like to see this

Each man will have to make an Indian hut model with six toothpicks, a tortilla and one marker; and get a 4 year old to eat a serving of peas.

Each man must adorn himself with jewelry, wear uncomfortable yet stylish shoes, keep their nails polished and eyebrows groomed. The men must try to get through each day without snot, spit-up or barf on their clothing. And this

During one of the six weeks, the men will have to endure severe abdominal cramps, back aches, and have extreme, unexplained mood swings but never once complain or slow down from other duties. They must try to explain what a tampon is for when the 6-yr old boy finds it in the purse. And all of this

They must attend weekly school meetings, church, and find time at least once to spend the afternoon at the park or a similar setting.

He will need to read a book and then pray with the children each night without falling asleep, and then feed them, dress them, brush their teeth and comb their hair each morning by 7:00. They must leave the home with no food on their face or clothes. Hubz might win this round if not for the "They must leave the home with no food on their face or clothes" part

A test will be given at the end of the six weeks, and each father will be required to know all of the following information: each child's birthday, height, weight, shoe size, clothes size and doctor's name. Also the child'sweight at birth, length, time of birth, and length of labor, each child's favorite color, middle name, favorite snack, favorite song, favorite drink, favorite toy, biggest fear and what they want to be when they grow up. He's a goner

They must clean up after their sick children at 2am and then spend the remainder of the day tending to that child and waiting on them hand and foot until they are better.

They must have a loving, age appropriate reply to, "You're not the boss of me." Do rhymes about bodily functions count as "loving"?

The kids vote them off the island based on performance. The last man wins only if...he still has enough energy to be intimate with his spouse at a moment's notice.

If the last man does win, he can play the game over and over and over again for the next 18-25 years...eventually earning the right to be called Mom! I give him a year.

3 Comments:

  • If they made this into a real show, I bet they'd have a HUGE hit on their hands. Seriously. But you'd have to take the most inept husbands ever for laugh-value.

    By Blogger Jess Riley, at 2/20/2006 12:24:00 AM  

  • This would be a really, really great show. I think the watching demographic might be a little skewed to the female though :-)

    By Blogger SUEB0B, at 2/20/2006 12:44:00 PM  

  • I just got this in my email... but your version (including comments) is way better.

    By Anonymous Kristen, at 2/20/2006 05:06:00 PM  

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