Brokeback Crazy Mofo Camera Shopping Day

I went to see Brokeback Mountain yesterday ALL BY MYSELF. (not that I wanted to go all alone but it was nice to be somewhere without kids that doesn't involve a shopping cart and things that will melt if I don't go straight home) For those of you who haven't seen it, Brokeback Mountain is a heartbreakingly sad love story. I very much enjoyed it but I really don't see what the controversy was all about. I can turn on my TV on a Sunday afternoon and see depictions of violence that will turn my stomach but a story that involves love between two people of the same gender is a problem? We really are a screwed up society. (but you knew that already, right?) There was some sex between the main characters but I wouldn't say it was graphic. I've never witnessed actual gay man sex so I don't know if it would be considered an accurate portrayal but I'm guessing it was, particularly the "manliness" of it and some of the awkwardness, too. In many ways, the scenes exhibited a certain tenderness, which made them kind of hot in a weird way. You should know that "tender" is a word I rarely use except maybe to describe baby back ribs or steamed carrots but in this case, it is warranted

There wasn't any extreme nudity but a little bit of functional nudity by the guys like when Jake Gyllenhall is washing his clothes in the river wearing nothing but cowboy boots (which I know has to fulfill a fantasy for someone somewhere in the world) but you don't see anything really. There are a couple quick boob shots of the two female leads which I guess were a bone for all the straight guys that got dragged to the movie by a wife or girlfriend. I primarily mention the sex and nudity to emphasize my point that the controversy for this movie is totally unwarranted. It wasn't some homosexual boinkfest like some people tried to make it out to be.

Michelle Williams was excellent, as was Anne Hathaway, who is one of my favorite beautiful brunette actresses. Unfortunately, she gets blonder as her character gets older ala Penelope Cruz in "Blow". Does that happen in real life? I'm that side of 35 and I'm still a brunette... Another girl whose name I don't know played Heath Ledger's daughter and I recognized her from "Nip/Tuck". If you watch N/T, she was the redheaded lesbian that Matt was in love with for a a couple episodes. Also making a minor appearance is the adorable Linda Cardellini, currently of ER, but whom I first knew as Lindsay on the grossly underappreciated show "Freaks & Geeks." I'm reallly happy to see Cardellini in such a BIG movie. I hope it boosts her career. She deserves it. As for Jake G, all I can say is have you seen the man's eyelashes? I kept thinking they reminded me of some other long-lashed boy and then it came to me....Jared Leto of "My So-Called Life." Both Leto and Gyllenhall are just downright pretty to look at. And Jake G has such a perfect nose. Noses aren't a "thing" with me but his is so...perfect; I just had to mention it. To be honest, I never noticed Gyllenhall much until Brokeback Mountain but I'll be watching for him from now on. Look out, Johnny Depp. Your cheekbones might be getting bumped for eyelashes and a perfect nose...

I don't want to really give away any of the story so I won't discuss that aspect except to reiterate that I thought it was terribly sad. (This should be taken with a grain of salt, though. I am, after all, the person who tears up during the Olympics and sometimes when I watch a marching band. Please don't ask me to explain that last one. I don't even understand it myself)

Profanity Alert!!!! (for the easily offended, which you probably aren't if you read this blog regularly)

All in all, I give Brokeback Mountain two thumbs up. The only thing that was bad about my experience was the FREAKSHOW in the theater that wouldn't shut the fuck up. At one point, I thought I may have yelled at a handicapped person but after getting a good look at the asshole, I think not. From the previews on, this guy that was there by himself kept making all these weird noises and moaning really loud and occasionally he would blurt out "homo" or "fag". I was seething. This is the one motherfucking day that I have all to myself so I go to see a movie and I'll be damned if I was going to listen to this piece of shit blab through the whole thing for two goddamned hours. So early on I said really loud "Shut the hell up!" and he did. But it didn't last. After about 30 minutes I went and complained and someone came and told him to shut up. But of course, it started up again. I was ready to go attack him with my icee cup but I really did want to watch the movie so I did my best to ignore him. What blew me away is how nobody else would say a word to the guy. He was SO obnoxious. Sorry, but I'm just not that passive. But after listening to him for nearly 2 hours, I started to wonder if he had Tourette Syndrome and I felt bad for a nanosecond. Then when the lights came on I stood up and glared at him and not surprisingly, he looked wasted. On the way out, I asked this other woman what she thought and she said she was going to complain, so we went together. The manager was apologetic and gave us each a free pass. Big whoop. How about giving me my day back?

Later, I was looking at cameras in Sears and who should be walking right past but HIM, the whooping, moaning, epithet-blurting, movie-wrecking freak from the theater. He was talking to himself and saying "I saw the Brokeback Mountain" so I go "Yeah, I know and you totally ruined the whole movie for everyone. Thanks a lot" And he stops and looks at me incredulously like he has no clue. He made this noise like when Scooby Doo goes "Huhhh?", as if to ask me why I would say such a thing. So I said "You didn't shut up through the entire movie. It was completely rude." And in that moment, I realized that while he didn't appear to have Tourette Syndrome anymore, this person may not be playing with a full deck and I decided to back off. He could have cared less. He ambled away, still talking to himself. And me? Well, I felt a lot better having had the chance to vent at the actual source of my irritation, for what it was worth. All's well that ends well. As for cameras, apparently the only kind of digital camera that don't have that annoying delay are the big SLR kinds. The $500 to $1000 kind. Not what I wanted to hear...